The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
