I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
