My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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