my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
