This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
