i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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