I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
