I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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