Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
