Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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