Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
