That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
