it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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