I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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