I smell stomach acid.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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