does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
