I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
