I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
