It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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