Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
do herpes really smell.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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