Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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