I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
