He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
