was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
