And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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