my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
