He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
