She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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