im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
