My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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