Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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