In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
