I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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