So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
