Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
