I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
