the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
