I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
