Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We need a shit load of segways right now
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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