I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
