my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
