I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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