obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you had me at cake vodka
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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