Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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