You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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