apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
