She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
