I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
