i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
