oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
