so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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