Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
