I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
