i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm at about main and main street
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
